Breaking Old Habits: A Look in the Mirror
“Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the most damaged of them all?”
It's never easy to take the first step in asking for help—actually, that's likely the hardest part for most. Finally holding that mirror up and taking a look at the person staring back at you can stir up various feelings, avoidance, shame, and negative self-talk. But if we look at the bigger picture, taking that first difficult step gives you an opportunity to make a change and finally take control of the direction of your life. If what you've been doing is no longer serving you, that look in the mirror can be the most empowering first step you needed.
Making changes and altering your perspective requires an immense effort. I often use the “garbage can” example with my clients; when someone says they want to change a habit (using substances, negative self-talk, attitude, etc.) I compare it to this scenario: Move the garbage can in your house and see how many times you automatically go back to the old spot where you initially had it. You’ll likely find yourself going to toss trash in the old spot for a good while. However, after catching your mistake enough times, the garbage can’s new location will set in and where you toss the trash will become automatic.
According to an article in the British Journal of General Practice "Making health habitual: the psychology of 'habit-formation' and general practice,” "habits" are often defined as actions that are triggered automatically by cues. For example, putting on your seat belt (action) after getting into your car (cue). Utilizing habit formation methods are ways to initiate and maintain long-term behavior change. However, because most habits are automatic, this is typically where most get stuck. When things are automatic, this means little thought is placed upon the action or reaction. When you want to change negative or unhealthy habits, you have to bring awareness to your automatic responses to the cues that cause that response so that you can implement or adopt new and healthy responses to that particular cue. One way this can be done is by writing it down or keeping a record while forming a new habit. Clinicians will often give “homework” which may include keeping a journal to track behaviors when you are not in session to explore patterns in your behaviors.
Here is a simple way to develop a new habit:
1. Decide on the goal that you would like to achieve (in this case, a bad habit you want to eliminate or new habit you’d like to develop).
2. Choose a simple action that will get you towards your goal, which you can do on a daily basis (repetition).
3. Plan when and where you will do you chosen action/habit (Consistency is key, this should be a time and place you encounter every day).
4. Each time you encounter the time and place, do the action/new habit.
Remember, this will get easier with time, the more you consciously perform the action, the less thought it will require so it can eventually become automatic.
There does have to be some level of motivation on the part of the client in order for this to be effective. The clinician cannot identify the goal for the client, but instead assists them through exploration of patterns, making connections, reflection, and other clinical practices. Having a sense of autonomy and interest in new habit formation supports and increases progress towards achievement of it.
Whether the new habit is increasing your daily exercise, decreasing negative self-talk, engaging in a hobby, or any other important change you want to make, taking the first step doesn’t have to be a dread. Seeking therapy can assist you in this process, especially if you have continuously struggled to make the change on your own. This does not mean you have failed, it just means that some habits are so ingrained in us, that is requires someone else to hold up that mirror to force us to take a deeper look. Having the support of a therapist in this journey, can give you the tools and validation you may need to make the change and make it stick for good.
References:
Gardner B, Lally P, Wardle J. Making health habitual: the psychology of ‘habit-formation’ and general practice. Brit J of General Practice. 2012:62(605):664-666. Doi:10.3399/bjgp12X659466.
Neal DT, Wood W, Labrecque JS, Lally P. How do habits guide behavior? Perceived and actual triggers of habits in daily life. J Exp Soc Psychol. 2012:48:492-498
Wood W, Neal DT. A new look at habits and the habit-goal interface. Psychol Rev. 2007:114(4):843-863. PubMed
